Belonging: a letter to 8-12 year olds
Hey kiddo,
How was your day? How was school?
Fine, you say?
Now here, when was the last time that was actually true? That it was just, "fine"?
You've probably felt thousands of other words, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and general sensations bubbling up in you throughout the day.
You might've gotten in a fight with your brother or sister because he's being a dodohead or she's being a snot-nosed nincompoop or a big fat meanie (read: she ate the last cookie and Mom complimented him but not you).
The bully at school might've said something mean to you today. Your teacher might've been busy with other students and not smiled at you today. You might've missed a few questions on your test. Maybe you fell at recess. Or your "friend" teased you at lunch.
You might be feeling a bit lonely right now.
Like you don't belong.
Like you're doing something wrong.
Like you're stupid.
Like everyone else is better than you.
Like nobody understands you.
Like nobody loves you or cares about you.
Well, that sounds really tough. I feel ya. And I want you to know that it's okay. It's okay to feel like this. It's okay to have these thoughts. It's good that you're aware of how you're feeling, in fact—no matter how fuzzy those feelings are to you.
I also want you to know that you are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone in how you feel, even though I know it probably feels like it. The people you see every day—your family, friends, enemies, and "frenemies" in between—they all have probably felt like this from time to time. Maybe they feel like this now too, but they're also saying that they feel just "fine," because like you, they feel like no one understands them and they're scared of that.
Here's what I want more than anything in the world for you:
I want you to share your secrets. I want you to talk to other people about how you're feeling. I want you to share your ups and downs, especially your downs, with the people around you whom you trust. Talk to the adults in your life—family members, teachers, coaches. Talk to a friend at school about it. Even if it feels weird and uncomfortable, even if you start crying, even if you feel shy or embarrassed or afraid. Even if it seems easier to just bottle up your emotions and lock yourself away.
Because you have tremendous gifts to share with the world.
Really, I mean it. You might not know it yet, and you might not believe me. But please trust me, I know you do. You have something amazing to share with the rest of us, and we're all here for you when you feel ready to do so.
You belong here. You belong.
My hope for you is to start developing more confidence in yourself. Understand that you are worthy, you are loved. You do matter. Keep doing the things you like doing, whether it's reading, drawing, playing sports, climbing that tree, collecting rocks, playing games, or something else entirely. Keep doing the things that make you you. And keep sharing what you like to do with others. Show someone else how to climb that tree. Write about that book you loved to read, that transported you to a world you had never known. And soon you will start seeing I hope, that you are an insanely interesting young person with so much to offer us.
Time will pass by like that. In 3 months, things will probably have changed. For the better I hope, but in case you don't feel that way, that's also okay—it's part of life to experience these ups and downs. I hope you know that you won't have failed, you know, because you've been learning how to bolster your self-esteem and self-worth. You've been learning how to pick yourself back up again, and focus on the things that matter. We're all doing that by the way, constantly 😊 You're not alone.
In a year's time, maybe your perspective will have changed because you've grown up a bit. Happy birthday by the way. How are you feeling now? How was your day? Good, because you studied hard for that math test and only missed a few problems? So-so, because you felt embarrassed when your stomach hurt and you had to call home sick? Or absolutely amazing because you went on a field trip and saw some humpback whales and didn't have to do any homework? Cherish that because in three years time, you'll probably have moved on to thinking about even more things, and different things.
It's all okay. Keep sharing, keep talking, keep reaching out.
And please know that you are not alone. You belong here, with the rest of us ✌️
And if you ever need a friend to turn to...
Find solace in books. Find solace in the stories of the past, present, and future. Find solace in the adventures of other worlds and times, journeyed by creatures big and small.
They'll always be there for you, even if others aren't.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Love,
Cindy
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